Last night I performed at comedy mass sunday, a great room for comics. Check it out, sunday nights, 8pm at the backstage cafe on brighton way in beverly hills. good times.

however, during my set the mic kept shorting out especially on my punches. that's ok, except I felt like I was in a dubbed movie. In fact, my best laugh came when I said I felt like I was in a dubbed movie. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. However, I was thinking how cool would it have been if I took the microphone and Bo Jacksoned it over my knee. Yes, I turned the name Bo Jackson into a verb, because I can, and I will. And yes, he also broke baseball bats over his knee...an all around bad ass.

So the other night I went to a party. My friend...for the sake of anonymity we'll call him "Chucky Bubbles"...went because he had to, and he couldn't roll solo. Turns out, the girl throwing the party has a little thing for Chucky Bubbles, but the feelings are not mutual. Upon, the unveiling of this girl, I tend to side with those feelings of Chucky Bubbles, she looked like Large Marge from Pee Wee's big adventure after she tells of what the people in the accident looked like. See the photo on the left. However, there was another friend in the mix...let's call him "Devilish J-man"... who figured that he cannot let this opportunity pass and he has to mess with Chucky Bubbles, and secretly tells this Large Marge girl that she can't let Chucky Bubbles leave without making out with her.

this is what happens next...

Chucky Bubbles decides that it is time to leave and being the polite southern gentlemen that he is says goodbye to Large Marge, and gives her a hug. Nevertheless, Large Marge exclaims "THAT'S IT!?!?" This was an awkward situation where Chucky Bubbles was clearly looking for something to say while at the same time desperately hoping to run out of the door as fast as he could. He was trapped and it was amazing. Large Marge did not hesitate and grabbed Chucky Bubbles by the back of the head and pulled him close only to stick her toungue down his throat. Chucky Bubbles tooks his licks, literally and turned to leave without saying a word.

I threw up in my mouth.

The only reason I wrote that was because Chucky Bubbles told me not to speak of this event. But he didn't say I couldn't write anything.

Now the story of Large Marge and Chucky Bubbles will live on forever in my blog.

the end of an era!

yesterday I lost a dear dear friend. my george forman lean mean grilling machine passed away. a sad day for bachelors everywhere. now I cannot take my frozen chicken breast directly out of my freezer and place them on my grill, only to return in ten minutes for a delicious meal.

yesterday I had to use the oven. the oven! I'm surprised it worked. it took longer and it was not the same. during my time of grief my roommate had the nerve to ask me, "how's chicken from the oven?" I told him it tasted like chicken. I mean what the fuck else would it taste like?

so goodbye my friend, my life will not be the same without you...that is until I buy a new one.

You better recognize that the things written in this blog are property of Andrew L. Ostroff esq. Occasionally I will just happen to write some witty tid-bit of information that you might say to yourself "self, this is a great tid-bit that I could use for myself. I can impress my friends and neighbors with this tid-bit if I claim it as my own. I will impress so much that I might just repeat it over and over again untill I make them realize that I am so smart for thinking this."

wrong buddy...if you do that it's on, and we will have to dance fight.

trust me, you do not want to dance fight me. I dance fight harder than anyone on earth. why do you think michael jackson has had so much plastic surgery? "to be white, to look like an alien, so children will find him cuddly" ALL WRONG. Michael Jackson had to have all the plastic surgery to cover the scars he recieved when he tried to dance fight me!

you have been warned.

I just learned from my page a day calendar entitled "fact or crap" that when bruce lee was 18 years old, in 1958 he was the cha-cha dance champion of Hong Kong.

This is true because my calendar says it is. You cannot argue with page-a-day. At first I thought, "crap, there is no way that a man can be talented enough to win a national cha-cha competition and be bruce lee at the same time...that is just too much talent...no way!"

fact.

boy was I surprised.

my three favorite teams are 1, 5, and 8 teams in the same bracket of the NCAA tournament. duke, syracuse and gw respectively. honestly, gw got such the shaft I don't know if they can ever recover. plus how am I supposed to handle the possibility of one of my teams losing to the hands of another one of my teams. I don't know who I'll root for...I guess I'll root for GW, but just because I want them to bend the selection committee over and fuck them back. this is almost like a worse case scenario. So if gw ends up playing duke it's like either way I win and either way I loose all at the same time...I think my head will explode. the same bracket? did I do something wrong? I'm a good fan...I don't boo, I'm a good sport c'mon throw me a bone.

it's a surprise that I haven't written in my new blog the past couple days. I don't know what I was thinking.

Here is a brief rundown of the week: I started my acting class again, and it's going well...I did have trouble finding rehearsal partners, I want to rehearse all the time and others don't really want to. March madness kicked off...syracuse won the big east! Duke is in the acc finals! a guy from villanova had his eye poked out! GW lost to fucking temple. That sucks...what the hell were they doing...they got dominated. well let's hope they play in San Diego, so you know who can go to the games. Also, I booked another standup show. I got invited back to the belly room at the comedy store on April 2, 8pm. Instead of 5 minutes they are giving me 7 which almost freaks me out because I've never done 7 before.

On some other news I started writing a feature script. I don't want to talk to much about it except say that I'm excited. It is an Superhero Action/Comedy script. One that has not really been done before. It is not like Blankman or something like that. It is like a serious superhero movie with some heavy comedic undertones. We'll see where it goes, but it's moving on it's own. I've only been writning since Friday and I have 27 pages.

anyway, I have to go now. I promise I'll write more.

figure I've got this blog at my disposal and I might as well write something...people read this? maybe not.

So yesterday morning I had two events that defined my day prior to 4pm. The first, an audition...wait should I call it an audition. It was more like being arrested with out the fingerprints, and oh, I didn't have to go to jail. What I did do was strip to my underpants and hold a number underneath my chin while I stood in front of markings that listed my height and some amazing man took my picture. Sounds familiar...yeah it was sort of like that experience you had after you got really drunk, parked your car in your neighbor's front yard and then molested a chicken. Wierd man, wierd and there were a bunch of other guys there doing the same thing.
The second, I went to a george washington university alumni event in west la where we watched the basketball team win an amazing game against UNCC. Pretty sweet, however I got to thinking that it was kind of sad that the rest of the alumni attending this event graduated a minimum of 5 years before me and that the basketball team sucked during my 4 years of school. EAT A DICK TOMMY PENDERS! In hindsight I realized the only time I ever rushed the court after a GW basketball game was when the girls won the Atlantic 10 tournament. I don't even think I was all that excited...I just wanted an excuse to rush the floor, and for about the first 5 seconds I was the only student to do so. good times.

The oscars were tonight. I only wanted to watch because Jon Stewart hosted the show. Frankly 90% bores me. My highlight of the show came after the show was over and my roommate hopped in his car and drove to the Kodak theatre to look for stars. He said that once he saw Merryl Streep he was satisfied and could come home...that's nice. Celebrities don't really do it for me. I mean I've seen Ralph Macchio...there's no topping that not even this Streep woman.

March 3, 2006

The first day of my blog...I don't even know what a blog is except that it has a funny name and that you get to write whatever you want. Well, I don't think you can go wrong with that...so sign me up! Ok, I think I did that. Don't sign me up because I already signed up!

Is that what you are looking for blogger man?